Greetings! Welcome 2021!
It has been a few years since we passed out a Screwball Kitchen family newsletter. A lot has changed! Sadly, this newsletter will not double as a drinking game. Recent alcohol related criminal charges suggest that we should form our communications differently for some of our Screwballs. *sigh*
I suppose we should say #NowBlow instead of #NowDrink but some Screwballs are still sensitive when we bring up the consequences of their own actions. There are those of us that stay out of trouble by not acting like Fucktards or simply not showing up in the first place. We will attempt to wait an appropriate amount of time after bail has been posted to make jokes. What? Too soon? If you can`t do the time, then don`t do the crime! At least not in front of us at a Screwball Kitchen gathering.
Just a note though, in the joke/crime/and party “cat”egory…if you cheat on your BF with another girl and then walk around the yard in front of the neighbors screaming that it was “just pussy” then YOUR cat will be starring in multiple memes on the internet. It`s not our fault when you make it too easy. Just saying…
Back to the newsletter. Let`s get to it. Screwballs come and go but the stars of the show are the regular cast.
The Package finally got tired of the drama and ditched SuperDude in the South and bailed. The Package is small and delicate but not like a flower, more like a bomb. She and her Yorkie, Superdawg are both now nesting happily in the Great White North with Precious and family. She has definitely changed her environment from one extreme to the opposite end of the temperature spectrum. It appears there will be an adjustment period. She found a beach today and saw sand under some ice and got oddly excited. Cheer up, we said, the ice will melt eventually. Melting the ice in her veins might take a little more time but ho hum it`s a start.
Unlike the Package, Precious likes the ice if there are fish involved. Precious is still gainfully employed in the Great White North. He was working with some really entitled folks and hated it. He has a new job now working with ordinary people and is happy as a clam. Mrs. Precious, aka Dimples stays home with their two Dumplings and the cats and the new puppy, Violet. They moved two blocks closer to town. Baby steps! They drink lots of beer and grill outside at least 6 nights a week. They are always in bed by 4 AM because everybody works and has stuff to do in the morning. Now that The Package has moved in with Precious and Dimples the cloud of pot smoke is thicker, too. The neighbors are not a very friendly bunch and simply stare with a mixture of hopeless disgust and horror. The cool part about the neighbors is that even if they did communicate nobody can hear them over the loud music. (Cue Colt Ford “No Trash in My Trailer”. Or play the Lacs…. or the Moonshine Bandits) But these Screwballs in this Kitchen all work for a living, pay their rent on time and they plan to stay a while.
Grandma and Pappy are back from the South and plan to spend the rest of the winter with Precious, Dimples and The Package. The new addition to the family is Hamlet the terrier. He was rescued from the mean streets of Spokane, WA. so, he has a chip on his shoulder. He has adjusted to domestic life fairly well and was forced to learn to share by hanging out with Superdawg. A little back story…Superdawg is an only pet and has spa days, wears Puppy McQueen body spray, and has an extensive wardrobe. (He is in touch with his feminine side, so it is quite a wardrobe, indeed) He also prefers to be left alone. His adjustment may take a bit longer. Anyway, the Dog Spa is far away so The Package groomed him at home last week. The look on his face that moment could have been used on a UNICEF poster. Hamlet is, to say the least, confused by this creature. They are working it out, though.
(A few months ago, Hamlet had a near-death experience, and the vet could not figure out what happened. We think it may have been an allergic reaction to some dog treats. He is still with us and fine now, but it was scary! Also, check the recall list of pet treats and foods)
Wuffy and WowMan have been working on their new fixer upper home in the Great White North. They have five Dumplings, so they have their hands full. They rewired the place and have electricity now. They fixed the plumbing and have water, too. Lots of hard work. The Dumplings just keep getting bigger by the way. Teenagers! Ugh! WowMan said online school was entertaining while they were working on the roof. Now that the schools are back in session the kids have not been late a single time.
Poodles is still in the South. He likes it there. He is no longer the Apple guy or the Bud Tender but is employed, just in a secret location. Truthfully, none of us are sure what his job is exactly but he can afford beer and hangs out on the beach so that works. As long as he is happy. Poodles came to visit the Great White North last summer. That party is where the criminal charges started…. memorable party though! Cue the Irish Rovers “Wasn`t That A Party” (The local cops were not prepared for that party either) Everyone was just trying to spend a minute next to the dude. He is still a music man and will someday graduate from college! Yay! He will be back to visit… Awwww, sadly our little Screwballs are harmless and often misunderstood.
That`s pretty much it.