Hypothetically speaking; how would I explain the family?
To my future in-laws…..whomever they might end up to be. Yes, your child has entered the Twilight Zone. Their relationship with my offspring has taken them into a world that they may never have known. We recognize that you have a desire to bond with us and we wish that we could do so easily. Most people don’t want to talk to us at all after they meet the kids. Spare the rod and spoil the child? Not in my house! Somehow the poor pagan family with the autistic kid meets ghetto meets mentally ill meets drug addiction… Is usually a big turn-off for potential suitors in the first place…. So…
…I haven’t answered your Facebook friend request because I simply wasn’t sure how to talk to you. We are incredibly different and I think Facebook will exaggerate that fact in a very negative way. However my concern is more for your sake than mine. I never wish to offend anyone and make every effort to avoid doing so. So I will accept your friend request in cheerful spirit hoping that someday we will be pals for the sake of our children. I think you are simply a lovely person and thoroughly enjoyed meeting you and hope that we will find a common ground and communicate happily from this point forward.
I am not going to pretend to understand their relationship. I am far too old school to even begin with all of the things that I have issues with. However one thing I do know is my child. Although he/she does confuse me at times because we are also very different. They are very sensitive so I do not judge them or their friends or their relationships with other humans and I try to keep my opinions to myself in most cases unless I think they’re doing something that is truly harmful. Their reaction to my opinions can be extremely negative even if they agree with me. So we have an occasional spat but it mends rather quickly. Still, I will never understand some of the things these kids think and do as “millennials”. I think he/she would be very fearful of us communicating simply because he/she doesn’t want you to know any of the ugly family history or silly family stories that you might get. They are unreasonably anxious about these things; having been unfairly judged in the past by people unrelated to our situation. Perhaps if we communicate about recipes and just being friendly would be better. Under no circumstances would I ever ask you to lie. But as parents sometimes we might want to discuss things they may not want to share.
As an example during the hurricanes last year I got a little miffed because I was a little concerned about the hurricane and they both simply stopped talking to me all together and I texted them back and explained that I simply wanted to initiate a conversation about their safety and they took it that I was being overbearing or whatever. I explained to them that I recognize they’re adults but I didn’t get this way over night and I might be a bit overbearing when it comes to their safety. I just wanted some reassurance that everything was going to be okay and that they had taken the proper precautions. The news that I was getting in another state was that their state was about to be wiped off the map and my kids were still there. Simply stated I have not talked to some of them since. He/she just doesn’t talk much on a regular day, so I doubt that my concerns were taken seriously. When I brought the whole thing up to them, they simply blew me off and didn’t want to talk about it. That was the first time ever in our lives that they have done that.
They are fiercely protective of each other; and unnecessarily so; but I cannot get them to stop that pattern of protection even if I feel it is inappropriate. Not sure where it is coming from? Perhaps from the fact that their family is not as pretty and wonderful as each other’s? I think that may actually be the case and that they may feel under scrutiny because we have a less than stellar situation and in our family there exists a sister and a brother that have been drug addicts and so forth and things that their SO has never actually been exposed to. Well all of that being said I think there’s lots of room for conversation if you’re strong enough to handle it. sometimes the truth can be a very scary thing. Especially if you’ve never been exposed to anything outside of a white picket fence. we just don’t want to scare anyone away or do anything that might create a wedge between our children and their friends.
Just let us know. Try not to be afraid. We do not bite; and human sacrifices are only on Tuesdays. We love everybody!
One thought on “How would I explain the family to another family?”
Being an almost life long friend, I can honestly say that having known you for almost 35 years and your amazing kids their entire life, despite your dysfunction you are all absolutely wonderful people. I love all of you and your perfect imperfections. I’m hoping that things go well with the future in-laws and that they can look past judgment and see the beauty that you all hold. If they can’t, remember, I will always have your back. Much xxx
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